Year 2 Moving Along
by Gems0ng
Summary: The continuing adventures of life with a downsized colonel
1. Chapter 23: Birthday Blues

Chapter 23: Birthday Blues

Today is October 20th. It's Jack's birthday. It's also been two weeks since we found out it will be eleven years before the conditions are right to have a chance of changing him back to his adult self.

This has been the hardest two weeks since this first happened to him. To say that he didn't take the news well is an understatement. Adult Jack would have handled the news with a grim look and find a way around it. Toddler Jack isn't handling it. It took two days just to get him to come out of his room. He also refused to eat. He just laid on his bed curled up in a ball and listening to the 1812 symphony at full volume.

Once I was able to coax him out of his room, everything became a fight. He would have a meltdown at the drop of a hat. Any hat. Any reminder that he was still in a two year old body would set him off. Potty training took a giant leap backward. Baths were battles. Mealtimes became war zones.

I didn't have a choice. I had to do it. When he picked up the baseball and lobbed it through a window, I had finally had enough. I gave him one hard swat on his diapered behind and put him in the time out chair. There was silence from the corner for a full fifteen minutes. It took me the same amount of time to calm down myself.

Jack is not happy about the situation. Neither am I. I wouldn't mind having my adult best friend back. But that's not going to happen. We have to do the best we can with what we got.

I heard little sniffling sounds coming from the corner. I slowly walked over to the chair and squatted down until I was eye level with him.

"Well?" I asked softly.

Jack turned to me with tearful eyes. "I d-don't know what to d-do," he hiccoughed around a stutter.

"Me either," I said. "But you're not alone. I'm not leaving. Ever. Understand?"

Jack nodded slowly, scrubbing his tear drenched cheeks.

I opened my arms and Jack fell into them, his arms around my neck tightly. I held him just as tightly as I stood up. For the first time in two weeks, he let me hold him. My eyes burned with tears as I walked us over to the couch and sat down with him on my lap.

"Sowwy," he sniffled.

"I know," I said. "I know it's hard. It sucks. And it's not fair. But for now this is the way it is and we make the best of it."

"You so full of …."

"Don't say it." I interrupted. "We get through this. One day at a time, okay?"

Jack heaved a big sigh then nodded leaning his head against my chest.

I held him on my lap rocking him a little. I heard a knocking on the front door then it opened. Janet and Cassie came in. As much as they're here, Jack had told me to give Janet a key. Janet saw our position on the couch and seemed to let out a sigh of relief. Maybe the worst of the storm was over. Time would tell.

They also carried boxes. Janet set down a couple of pizza boxes on the table. "Hungry?" she asked. Considering how little he'd been eating lately, Jack nodded but didn't move from my lap.

Cassie set another box on the floor and a six pack of root beer on the coffee table while Janet went to the kitchen for plates and cups. And the always necessary roll of paper towels. I reached for the remote and clicked on the television. I flicked through the channels until I found a hockey game. I left that on with the volume low.

Cassie sat down beside us on the couch. "Hi Jack," she said.

"Hi Cathee," he replied.

The young teen took a deep breath and picked up the box. "Jack… I got this for you," she said. "For your birthday. Before we found out about…. Well…. You don't have to keep it."

"What ith it?" Jack asked.

"Why don't you open it and see?" I suggested and shifted him off my lap to the couch so he could sit between us.

Cassie placed the box on his lap and he slowly tore open the wrappings. Inside the box was a turtle. More precisely, a stuffed teenaged mutant ninja turtle. Raphael if I remembered correctly. Apparently the franchise was having resurgence and Jack had been thrilled about it.

He pulled it from the box and hugged it tightly. "Thank you Cathee," he said. For the first time in two weeks a glimmer of a smile touched his face. Maybe I should have gotten her over her two weeks ago.

There was more knocking at the door and Janet went to answer it. This time it was Teal'c and Sam.

"Is this a bad time?" Sam asked as she came into the room.

"No," I said. "I think we're okay at the moment."

Jack looked at her and Teal'c. "You bought birfday presents didn't you?" he asked.

"It is your day of your birth, Jack," Teal'c replied. "A time that is always a time of celebration. To know you are with us for another year."

I watched Jack ponder that. Translating that in his head. Better to have him as a two year old than not at all.

"And I brought pie," Sam said with a smile.

"What kind?"

"Banana cream pie." Jack's eyes lit up. Even with tear track still drying on his cheeks, the light had returned to his eyes.

It was well past Jack's bedtime as I looked around the room. Teal'c was watching a movie on the television. Sam and Janet were talking quietly. Cassie was curled up on the other end of the couch sleeping.

Jack. Jack was sleeping with his head on my lap. His thumb was in his mouth and his arm wrapped around his new turtle. He was also wearing a kid sized jersey bearing the logo of the Colorado Avalanches. There was pizza and pie on his face.

But none of that mattered. All that mattered to me was the first sign of peace on his face in weeks. And for that, I'm grateful.

"Happy birthday, Jack," I whispered.

FINI


	2. Chapter 24: Hoax or Delicacy

Chapter 24: Hoax or Delicacy

I've been set up. There is no doubt in my mind that they were going to do this with or without my cooperation. Yes, I know I've been in a rotten mood. I'm sorry. No I'm not. I have a damn good reason to be in a bad mood. Eleven years. One hundred and thirty two months. Four thousand and fifteen days. Forty four seasons. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. A lot. Do you have any idea how long a day can last now with so many stretching ahead of me?

I even overhead Daniel and Janet talking about things like daycare and grade school. Do you have any idea how long ago I had to endure grammar school? It's not something I particularly want to do again.

I'm not going. I'll get emancipated or something like that. They can't make me. It ain't gonna happen. So there.

"Jack?"

Daniel's voice.

I'm not moving. No way. Not coming out of the vent.

I heard the chair move. Then the grate came off and Daniel was kneeling staring in at me. I really needed to find a new hiding place.

"Jack, you can't stay there forever," he said.

"I can try," I replied. Thank all the non snake head gods that my teeth were coming in. I was seriously getting tired of sounding like a... like a kid.

Daniel smiled slightly. "You'll out grow it and then we'll have to get a crowbar to pry you out," he said.

"Ha ha," I replied. "You are so not funny."

Daniel paused a long moment. "Will you at least come out for Cassie?" he asked. "She and a friend are dressed up and going out trick or treating. The least you can do is tell her how great her costume is."

I put my hands over my face. The patented Jackson guilt trip. He knows I have a soft spot for Cassie. Damn him. "Who's with her?"

I heard his hesitation. "Jon," he said.

Head snapped up and hit the top of the vent. "OW! What?!" I yelled.

"He's 16, so he can walk her around the neighborhood..." Daniel started.

I launched out of the vent nearly barreling him over. The thought of Cassie with mini-me was appalling! I knew what I was like at that age. I nearly screeched to a halt when I hit the living room. I stared. Cassie turned to me. She was wearing one of Janet's air force blues. All the way to the name tag and major's rank on her collars.

"Wow..." I said staring at her. "You look... you look... wow..."

Cassie smiled that familiar grin. "Thanks, Jack," she said with a smile. Damn, she's grown. "How do you think Jon looks?"

Great. I was forced from gawking at a blossoming Cassie to face my clone. Actually I had to look up at my clone. Way up. I forgot about that growth spurt I had in my late teens. This really sucked.

"This is weird," Jon said looking down at me.

"Ya think?" I asked. Duh. I'm two. He's 18. Even combined we still weren't half my age. I think I'm getting a headache. That's when I realized what he was wearing. Air Force blues. He had a major's rank and his name tag said Neill. "It fits," I said.

Jon stood up looking slightly uncomfortable. "Uh... it had to be taken in," he said. "Daniel gave me one of your old sets."

I looked at Daniel and shot him a murderous glare. He just raised an eyebrow as if to say 'its gonna be a long time before you can wear it again'. I think I hate him.

"That's okay," I said. "Well..." I scuffed my foot. "Have fun." I gave Jon a warning look.

Cassie scrunched down to my level and took my hands. "I wish you'd go with us," she said. "You took me the first time, remember?"

I frowned slightly. I had forgotten. I guess I introduced her to the concept of Halloween. I squirmed. I think she learned Guilt 101 from the Jackson school of manipulation. One day I'm gonna learn to hate her.

"Don have a cothume," I said. Crap. I hate that lisp.

"I think I have something you could wear," Daniel said.

I looked up at him suspicious. I know a set up when I hear one. He held out his hand to me and like a moron I took it and let him lead me up to my room. Yeah. Definitely a set up.

On the bed was my uniform. The fatigues I usually wore on the base. Or rather a miniaturized version of them. It had everything. Colonel bars on the collar. My name with two L's. When I stepped closer I saw the SGC patch on one shoulder and SG-1 patch on the other. I looked up at Daniel speechless.

Daniel sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me between his knees to hug me. "I know it sucks, Jack," he said. "I know it seems like forever, but remember what it was like before you found out how long it was going to be?"

I didn't answer and just leaned my head against chest.

"You had fun, didn't you?"

I nodded slowly. There were some high points.

"I'm certain the Starbuck's Barbies check under the table every time they go in," Daniel said poking my side.

I giggled. Their expressions were classic.

"And my utter humiliation at the bank," Daniel said.

I giggled again and rubbed my face against his chest.

"Come on," Daniel cajoled. "Think about it. How many people you can con out of candy. Think of your experience. Think of this as a covert mission to gather as much candy as you can."

Well... when he put it that way... If I had to go through childhood again...

"Help me?"

Daniel smiled and kissed my head. "Of course."

A little while later I re-entered the living room and Cassie laughed. Then she saluted. Jon stood and chuckled and saluted as well. I wanted to keep the grim colonel look but I giggled instead. Well... I couldn't help it.

Jon grinned and held out his hand. "We better get going before those kids get at the big bars," he said.

I took his hand without thinking. We stopped and stared up at each other. I was a mini of mini-me. This was totally freaky.

"Oh wha da hell," I said.

I had Jon's hand and Cassie took my other hand. Jon had the bags for our goodies. My old neighbors were going to freak out. This was going to be fun.

Fini


	3. Chapter 25: Ho, Ho, Ho

Chapter 25: Ho Ho Ho

I don't know how it ended up being my turn to watch the Jack-beast. I mean, I'm his clone. Sure I call myself Jon Neill, but it doesn't change the fact that I remember everything up until the moment Loki cloned me. So my mind is near fifty and my body is near 16. Puberty sucks by the way.

Now Jack… how weird is that? I may be mini me, but he's mini mini me. He's two. Plus one month. Let's not forget that. He's probably got it down to the number of days. I don't blame him. I'd be doing the exact same thing.

Now the deal was that we pretty much stayed out of each other's lives. I made him uncomfortable and he made me uncomfortable. I remember my life, except, it wasn't my life. It was his. Oh man, this is giving me a headache.

"Jon?"

I looked down at the miniaturized version of my adult self. "Huh?" I said less than brightly.

"Can we go shopping?" he asked.

I frowned in confusion. He confuses me. I swear he does it on purpose. "Why?"

"So I can buy Daddy a gift," he said. "For Christmas." He added as if I wasn't aware that it was December.

"Sorry, short stuff," I said. He made a face at the nickname. "All I got is a learner's permit."

"We can take a cab," Jack said reasonably. Oh I so know that tone.

"And money?" I asked. He handed me an envelope. I opened it to find it full of cash. "Where did you get this?"

He gave me that innocent grin that I know is anything but. "Hammond," he said. "Disability benefits. It's not like I can work."

I had the overwhelming urge to slap my forehead. Daniel and Janet were off shopping as well for gifts for this little monster. Which how I ended up babysitting. Sam was on a mission and Teal'c was on Chulak visiting with his son. Despite my efforts to stay out of their lives, it looks like I've been dragged into it. Thus, my turn at beast-watch.

"I know I'm going to regret this," I said.

"Lighten up," Jack replied. "How bad can it be?"

I've heard the stories. I know how bad it can be. The two year old terror has mastered the fine art of mayhem. But I'm a glutton for punishment. I must be. I called a cab. I bundled up the beast in his cold gear. He looked like a tick about to pop and said as much.

And where did we go? The mall. Holiday shoppers. You need brass knuckles and a can of mace just to get through the crowds. And I forgot the damn leash for Jack. For some reason the little monster decided to me nice to me. He hooked his fingers in my belt loop and held on for dear life.

I looked around and realized why. He was a very little guy surrounded by a lot of tall strangers. When he wasn't holding my belt he had a death grip on my fingers. He made very sure he didn't lose sight of me.

I admit it. I started to relax a little. The hope of not losing him didn't seem so far fetched. Although if one more person told me how cute my 'little brother' was I was going to start saying that I was an unwed father.

So we shopped. We didn't just get a gift for Daniel. We bought for Cassie, Sam, Janet, Teal'c and General Hammond. Of course I was the one carrying all the bags and Jack was fast wearing out beside me. That was until I was able to snag one of those mall strollers. It was a lot smoother then. Jack could rest and I could stash some of the bags.

We had lunch at the food court. A couple slices of pizza to give us an energy boost. Jack made a mess. I forgot two year olds had poor coordination. I was reminded. Messily. Then my cell rang. A glance at the caller ID should have warned me.

"Hello?"

"Jon?! Where are you? Where's Jack!?" Daniel's voice.

"Shopping," I said in a very bland tone.

"Shopping?!" I could hear the freaked out tone in his voice.

"At the mall." I said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

This was followed by the sound of Daniel losing it. He questioned my sanity, my parentage and a number of things in languages I didn't know.

"He's having a fit?" Jack asked sweetly.

I nodded then handed him the phone. He held it in both hands and put it to his ear. His eyebrows shot up. Daniel's language was getting creative. Jack decided to break the tirade.

"Hi Daddy!" he chirped in an innocent voice.

I could practically hear the abrupt silence on the other end. Then Jack chattered about all the sights at the mall, the people, and the decorations. Then he used the phrase that I had heard all too many times today.

"Everyone says my big brother is taking really good care of me," Jack said. He gave me a look that made me consider strangling him for the moment. Innocent my ass. "Okay. Bye Daddy." He snapped the phone shut.

"And he said….?" I asked.

"I think he's planning your demise," Jack replied. "He's under the impression that we should come home right now."

I choked. "I got a better idea," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"It's a surprise." I replied. Then I tucked him back into the stroller and headed to the center of the mall. We had already passed it a couple times and he had ignored it, but not this time.

Santa's magic castle.

"Oh no!" Jack protested.

"Oh yes," I replied gleefully.

We waited in line until it was Jack's turn. I parked the stroller and took him by the hand to the big man in the red suit.

The mall Santa picked him up and set him on his knee. Jack stared blankly at him with his mouth wide open. Santa did a few 'ho ho ho's.

"I'm not a ho," Jack blurted out.

Santa did a double take. A smart ass kid was on his knee. "So what's your name?" he asked.

"Jack…" then he pointed at me. "He's my brother Jon."

"Well, Jack, have you been a good boy this year?" Santa asked.

Jack put on that expression of utter innocence that fools everyone who doesn't know him. "Yes," he replied. "I've been a very good boy for years and years."

"So what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asked.

A little voice in my head said 'wait for it'.

"I want a llama," Jack said.

"A llama?"

"Yeah," Jack replied cheerfully. "I'm going to name him Cronus."

Fini.


	4. Chapter 26: Comfort & Joy?

Chapter 26: Comfort and Joy?

Author's Note: Not for the faint of heart. This is based on a couple emails  
I received.

I don't know when it started. Potty training with Jack had suffered several  
setbacks. Diapering him is usually a battle of some kind. Humiliating for  
him and weird for me. However, since his birthday, Jack's made a determined  
effort to potty train himself. Maybe it's the idea of having control over  
some aspect of his life. It's just gotten a little weirder than usual.

It was early morning and I was sitting at the dining room table working on  
Christmas cards. Jack doesn't get up as early as he used to and this seemed  
like a good time to try to get it done undisturbed. It wasn't long before I  
heard stumbling around upstairs indicating my 'son' was awake. This was  
followed by the sound of the bathroom door. I smiled. He was definitely  
determined.

I returned to what I was doing. I had finished a stack when I realized I  
hadn't heard the toilet flush. Puzzled I went upstairs. The door to Jack's  
bedroom was open. On the floor in the doorway was the stuffed turtle he had  
gotten for his birthday. In the hall a few feet away were his slippers. In  
front of the bathroom door was his pajama top. Confused I opened the door.

On the floor were his pajama bottoms. As for Jack... the training seat was  
on the toilet and so was Jack. Stark naked. Skinny little legs dangling,  
leaning back sound asleep with his mouth open and a copy of Bass Fishing  
magazine on his chest. I guess comfort is the key.

I hate the mall. Especially this close to Christmas. But it was the only  
place where they had the specific stores I needed for a last few gifts. And  
due to circumstances, I had Jack with me. He had insisted. He wanted to buy  
Jon a present and knew just what to get and it had to be here at the mall.

Unfortunately due to the crowd I wasn't able to get a stroller but I had  
Jack on his leash and he didn't fight with me over it. He made sure he  
stayed close. When those little legs would get tired I would pick him up and  
we would find someplace to sit and relax a minute watching people go by.

A mistake by the way. Jack couldn't help himself. He suddenly launched into  
chatter mode. Now that his front teeth have come in he's gotten rather  
clearly vocal and any tact he might have had was long gone along with the  
volume control.

"Oh looky Daddy," he began. "That lady looks like mother duck with a bunch  
of ducklings behind her. Quack quack quack! It's too hot to be wearing a fur  
coat in the mall isn't it daddy? She looks like a bear that was chewed on by  
raccoons on steroids. Wow! Spandex. I thought they only used that color on  
emergency tents. Wait, that is the tent. Ever notice how uncomfortable  
husbands look when shopping with their wifes? That purse just doesn't go  
with his shoes. Look at the boobs on that lady in the low cut shirt. Isn't  
it a little cold for a tank top? Yep you can definitely tell she's cold. Has  
she heard of a bra? Hey, dat guy walked into a post. He must have been  
looking at that lady. Look at the blood... cool."

Okay, I admit it. I was seriously considering tying him to a post and  
running away. Maybe somewhere calm and sensible. Like Iraq. Hard to believe  
he could be the silent type when he wanted to. Obviously he doesn't want to  
and thinks he can get away with anything short of murder.

"You know if Santa hears you, you can kiss anything on your Christmas list  
goodbye," I said.

Jack pouted and looked annoyed. Not that he believed in Santa Claus, but  
having been Santa Claus a few times in the past he decided setting a bad  
example wasn't such a good idea.

Then the inevitable happened. Jack was definitely in two year old mode.  
"Daddy! I gotta go potty! Now!"

Kill me now. I picked him up and made a beeline through the crowds to the  
public restroom. What made me think this was going to be easy? Thus the next  
monologue.

"I can't reach the urinal so I gotta use a stall and you better come in with  
me. I don't want the lid to smack my penis. I'm gonna need that later. And  
don't peek! I'll grow into it. Close your eyes. I mean it. Good thing I  
ain't gotta poop. You'd have to hold me up. Of course, you might be thinking  
of flushing me down the toilet, which wouldn't be nice by the way. Do you  
gotta pee too? I don't think we can do it at the same time with me standing  
on the toilet. No I'm not done yet. I can't go with someone watching. I know  
you're peeking. I know it will grow but this is embarrassing with it so  
small. I think I'm done now. I don't think I need diapers anymore. Do you  
have to pee now? I know the sound of water makes some people have to pee. I  
think I missed a couple times. You should have put the lid up. We gotta wash  
our hands now. You're going to have hold me up so I can wash them. Can I  
play with the air dryer? It's fun when I stand under it."

I sighed. Joy.

Fini


	5. Chapter 27: Christmas Day

Chapter 27: Christmas Day

_Author's Note: Twas the morning of Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except the Jack-Beast_

I opened my eyes coming awake instantly. It was Christmas morning. I sat up quickly and looked toward the window. Well… it was almost dawn. It was kinda light out there. That meant it was officially Christmas.

I jumped out of bed with a whoop. Well, actually I climbed over the safety rails and then whooped. For some reason I tend to be restless and fall out of bed. Daniel had them installed after the second time I hit the floor a little too hard.

I found my puppy slippers and put them on. Then I was out the door. Across the hall was the guest room so I pushed open the door. Cassie was curled up under the blankets. I grabbed her foot and yanked on it.

"Cathee! Cathee!" I called to her. She said later I was yelling, but I think she was still half asleep or something at the time. "It's Christmas! Wake up!"

She mumbled something rude. "For god's sake Jack it's 6 in the morning!" she groused. I never knew she was not a morning person.

"But it's Christmas!" I protested tugging on her foot again. Did I not teach this girl about the importance of this day?

"Go away before I kill you," she replied and pulled the pillow over her head.

I sighed. We were going to have to have a review of what was important. I left the room and opened the door to Daniel's bedroom. Used to be mine, but since he's bigger and doing all the work he needs the room. I climbed up on the bed to wake him up.

Hummm…. Guess he needed the bigger bed after all. I ended up pouncing Janet as well. When did this happen?

"Daddy! Mama! Wake up!" I said. They said I yelled, but like Cassie I think they were still mostly asleep. "It's Christmas!"

Daniel groaned forcing his eyes open. "Jack, it's barely light out," he said.

"That means its Christmas!"

Janet caught my arm, pulled me down on the bed and threw part of the blanket over me. "This is when normal people sleep," she said.

"Not on Christmas!" I replied half muffled by the blanket and her arm around me. It was kinda nice snuggling between her and Daniel. "And I'm not normal."

"That's for damn sure," Daniel said as he struggled to sit up. "Go bother Jon and tell him to start the coffee."

"Okay!" I said and kissed Janet on the cheek before scrambling out of their bed.

I hurried down the hall. Their bed. Whoa, what a weird thought. I wonder if they… well duh. I don't think I want to think about that anymore. Too weird.

I ran down the steps into the living room. Jon had stayed the night and slept on the couch. So I pounced on him.

"Jon! Wake up!" I said.

"Stop yelling," Jon replied.

"I'm not yelling," I said reasonably. "It's Christmas!"

"I know that," he replied sitting up. "I heard you all three times."

"Daddy says you have to make coffee," I said.

"Coffee's made," Jon replied.

"Already?"

"Coffee maker has a timer," Jon replied. "And I remember that we always got up early on Christmas morning." Then he grabbed me and tickled me.

"You could have warned us," Daniel said staggering down the stairs in pajama bottoms and a sweater and his hair sticking out in all directions. Janet, wearing his robe since it was obviously too big followed.

"What? And ruin the surprise?" Jon asked. I giggled.

Daniel and Janet made a beeline for the coffee maker as Cassie came staggering down stairs a couple minutes later in a pair of baggy sweats.

I was on the floor by the tree. It was loaded with presents. Most I'd already seen before, but there were new ones. And they had my name on them!

I was exhausted. I think I was exhausted from the moment Jack pounced me and Janet at an ungodly hour. I think we're all exhausted. But I'm sure it was worth every minute. Janet and Sam are in the kitchen cleaning up from Christmas dinner. Jon and Teal'c are in the den playing a new video game Jon got from me. Navigating Egyptian digs. Turns out he's have a blast with it and so is Teal'c.

Jack and Cassie are on the floor. Both of them sound asleep exhausted. Jack was in heaven. The happiest I've seen him since we got the news about how long he was going to be a kid.

Jack had one arm around a stuffed llama which he promptly name Cronus, a gift from Jon. The two of them had laughed about that for a good while. It's what Jack had asked Santa for.

His other arm was around the gift that Teal'c had brought him. A Jack Russell terrier he named Patches for the brown patch over his eye. Jack was in love and it was clearly mutual the way the puppy was snuggled up against him sleeping as well. Teal'c had brought everything Patches would need including a bed that placed in Jack's room.

"O'Neill said it was a rule," Teal'c had said. "All children must have a dog."

Fini


	6. Chapter 28: Observations

Chapter 28: Observations

My name is Dr. Jennifer Friend. I am a psychologist. Spare me the jokes. I've heard them all. I have been a member of Stargate Command for a year now. I was here when Colonel O'Neill returned through the Stargate in the form of a small child. Dr. McKenzie originally was monitoring him, but it has now fallen to me because the good doctor is taken a leave of absence to attend a seminar. Or teach one. I'm not sure which. I think he's taking a break from Colonel O'Neill.

Not inspiring you with confidence, am I? Too bad. You're not my patient. And don't start on the jokes about patients and patience. I'm not in the mood. You try dealing with something that the textbooks never covered. An adult mind in a child's body. Not just any adult mind. We're talking about Colonel O'Neill. Talk about creepy. One minute he acts like any two year old child, the next moment he's a holy terror. And the rest of time I just can't figure him out.

Today's session was a perfect example. Jack was already in the meeting room. Today he had brought all his stuffed animals with him. I left him alone for a while and watched him through the observation window.

He placed each of his toys on their own chair then sat down himself. He just sat there. Not moving a muscle, his eyes focused on nothing. I timed him to see how long he'd stay like that. Thirty minutes and he didn't move. Finally I walked in and he still didn't move. Unsuspecting I thought he'd gone catatonic. I touched his shoulder. He moved so fast and surely I didn't know what hit me. Ever have your wrist twisted by a solid 30lb kid who knew what he was doing? Now you know why I'm wearing a brace.

"I don't like shrinks," he told me.

"I'm a psychologist," I said. "I'm only here to help you like Dr. McKenzie was."

"He's a pompous asshole." The colonel said with a perfectly straight face. I was shocked to hear not only those words but that tone out of a child.

"Be that as it may," I said. "We're only here to help you through this."

"I can kill with a spoon," he said leaning back in his chair.

"Is that a threat?" I asked.

He smiled. Not a smile you'd ever see on a child's face. "I don't make threats," he responded.

This kid is scary. I don't know how Dr. Jackson and Dr. Fraiser deal with him on a daily basis. I left to get my wrist treated. Well it hurt! A lot. Yes, I left him alone. When I came back I checked him through the observation window.

This time he was on the floor with his stuffed animals. He was making them talk.

"Kneel before your god, Lord Cronus," said the llama.

"Oh please," said the lion.

"I command you worship me!" said the llama.

"Awww, worship this snake head," said the turtle.

The llama didn't have a chance. In a way it was kinda scary to watch.

Yes, sir. That's part of the reason I want a transfer.

Fini


	7. Chapter 29: Strange Baby

Chapter 29: Strange Baby.

A/N: Special thanks to horde of email bunnies that are now happily breeding away.

I can't believe Jack did that. He sprained Dr. Friend's wrist and then threatened her. He's two! Somewhat… well sometimes… I sigh. We actually thought he'd respond better to a different psychologist other than Mackenzie. Jack didn't like the man, but was starting to cooperate. Now we're back to square one. The conversation General Hammond had with me and Janet was not a fun one, I can tell you.

Mackenzie warned us that even though Jack seems to have adjusted to the fact it would be years before he was big again, there would still be some times he would act out. I would call it more than acting out. I'd call it the Jack-Beast reminding us that there is an adult mind beneath those cute dark curls.

"Daniel?" I heard Jon's voice coming from the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I walked into the room.

His arm made a sweeping gesture. "Notice anything missing?" he asked.

I looked around the room with a frown. At first it seemed normal until I took a harder look. Every cabinet door and drawer that was within Jack's reach was missing a knob or pull. The safety catches we had installed had been removed and neatly stacked on the corner of the countertop. Next to them a bent spoon that he had used as a tool.

I stared confused. "Why?" I asked looking at Jon.

He lifted his hands in self defense. "I don't have a clue," he said. "Our personalities diverged a while ago."

I sighed.

--

Jack was playing quietly in his room. Jack quiet for any reason is sometimes a cause for concern. Especially after he completely disassembled the vacuum cleaner for reasons that completely escape me.

I reached his door and peeked in. He was on the floor with his stuffed animals. Cronus was currently dancing around. The llama had become the current stuffie favorite. I could hear him singing softly. It sounded like a nursery rhyme. Mary had a little lamb I think.

"Daniel tenía una pequeña llama, él es paño grueso y suave era blanco como nieve." Jack sang. "Y por todas partes ese Daniel fue, la llama era seguro ir."

Wait, he's singing about me having a llama. I did a double take. When did Jack start speaking Spanish?

--

It's kind of interesting to watch Daniel deal with mini mini me. At least we've stopped creeping each other out, which is a good thing. Yeah, I admit it. I'm glad he likes the llama so much. A private joke not many would get, but that's half the fun.

I was on my way out, since I had a morning class. I glanced into the living room. Daniel was sitting on the couch with his laptop on his desk. Jack was on the floor giving his action figures a turn at being abused. They don't make them as tough as they used to. But Jack's pretty hard on them.

Daniel looked up as Jack started to sing again.

"Goa'uld três cego. Goa'uld três cego. Goa'uld três cego. Veja como funcionam. Veja como funcionam." Jack sang and pounded one of the figures.

Daniel looked up at me like I would have a clue. "Three blind mice in Portuguese?" he asked me.

"Uh… Daniel…" I said. "I don't speak Portuguese, or Spanish or Russian or Italian."

Daniel frowned at looked at Jack. "Jack?"

"Yeah Daddy?" he said looking up at Daniel.

"Why are you singing in Portuguese?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged. "It's all in my fron and pops out," he replied and returned to his imaginary goa'uld bashing.

The expression on Daniel's face was a Kodak moment. And if this keeps up, he's going to loose the will to live.

Fini


	8. Chapter 30: Snips & Snails

Chapter 30: Snips & Snails & Puppy Dog Tails

_Author's Note: I know. longest title ever but this is a milestone for what was supposed to be a one time ficlet. Big thanks to Lisa, Nat and Lois. _

If they don't want me to touch things, you'd think they'd learn to put them out of my reach. Obviously they never learn. It's the weekend. I'm bored. Everyone is home. That's weird if you think about it.

I used to live alone. When I was home that is instead of out on missions. No pets. No plants. Empty fridge most of the time. Trash cans full of take out. Now this place kinda reminds me of my grandmother's house. That's what Jon says. Looking at Jon doesn't creep me out like it used to. He helps me to remember my old life. He said just in case I get big again. I like talking and remembering things. I call him my external harddrive. For some reason he finds that really funny.

We have bunk beds in my room now. Jon sleeps on the top one. They say I'm too little to sleep up there. It's not fair. I'm not scared of heights. Except when I fall out of bed with a nightmare. But Jon is always there and he understands better than anyone. And if you tell anyone how often he cuddles me while I cry I'll kill you with a teaspoon. Slowly.

Janet and Cassie have pretty much moved in. Janet and Daniel sleep in the master bedroom. I know what their doing in there. Ewww…. I don't even want to think about sex. Too weird. Jon thinks because my body is a kid's, it's affecting how I react to it. I just think its ewwwww… I'd rather watch Sponge Bob.

Cassie sleeps in the other guest room. It used to be used for storage and kinda small, but she doesn't mind much. All I can say is thank god for cell phones. Otherwise the phone line would never be free and we'd never have pizza again. Sacrilege I tell you.

Daniel and Janet still work at the mountain. Jon and Cassie go to school. This leaves me. Monday I start daycare. Then Jon or Cassie will pick me up. You have no idea how much I DON'T want to go. To be surrounded by real kids for hours at a time. I like kid, but in small doses. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. We have to put up a front of normalcy or the neighbors are going to notice.

They bought the cover of Col. O'Neill is currently overseas on an extended mission. They knew Daniel so my real mother died in Europe and Daniel just found out about me, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I don't want to go to Daycare!

I heard a whine beside me and looked down at Patches. He's my new puppy I got for Christmas. He is the best dog in the world. I'm glad that Teal'c remembered the O'Neill rule. If I'm gonna be a kid, I have to have a dog. He's really good. He's house trained and doesn't run off and a huge amount of help to me.

Like right now. Time for a little payback.

Jon is in the bathroom. I've got my black sneakers on so he doesn't hear me in the hallway. The door isn't latched. Trusting soul isn't he. I push it open a few inches, enough to get the lens of the video camera into room.

Ah, there he is. Standing at the sink and shaving. Wearing nothing but boxers. Hummm… is starting to bulk up there. He plays football for some strange reason. (Stop swooning, ladies. He's just as underage as I am.). Working on shaving under his chin. Now you know why there are so many tiny scars there. Nope, not Iraq. Hee hee.

Bored now.

Patches whimpered a little. He's bored too. Okay. Who's next? Patches creeps over to Cassie's door. It's open a little and I can hear her voice. On the phone. Again. Or is that still?

"Well yeah, he's cute, but that would be ick," Cassie was saying to whichever of her thousands of best friends.

She was also plucking her eyebrows. Wince. I'd rather be shot with a zap. Three times.

"He's like my stepbrother," Cassie said.

Jon and Cassie? There is something seriously wrong with that mental image. Along with the hooker red lipstick she's putting on. It's eight in the morning for crying out loud!

"Okay.. I admit he's got a cute ass, but come on…" she was saying. "You just like him in those tight jeans."

Ewwww….

Longish pause as she listens to the response. "Nah...I don't wanna date him. Just think he's got a real cute ass," she said. "And nice eyes...yeah, real nice eyes."

I couldn't help it as I watched her through the video camera putting on the slutty make up Janet would never let her out of the house with.

"Jon and Cassie sitting in a tree," I sang out loud. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Cassie looked up startled to see me in the doorway with the camera. "JACK!" she howled. I ducked out as a pillow came flying in my direction. At least I know why they call them 'throw pillows'.

"Just my bratty baby brother," Cassie snarled into the phone as she slammed the door in my face. No sense of humor there.

Patches wagged his stubby tail and yipped. "Who's next?" I asked.

Patches ran down the hall to the master bedroom. I went to the door. With my natural stealth I was easily able to turn the knob and open the door a crack. Plenty of room to get good pictures. Daniel was sitting on the end of the bed pulling on socks. Janet was getting dressed. Whoa, nice bod, mom. No wonder Daniel's got the hots for ya.

Would have gotten some really nice footage if it hadn't been for Patches. He has a thing about playing 'tug o war' and loves Daniel's socks. Must be the scent. The next thing I know my puppy burst into room and onto Daniel's sock.

"What tha-?!" Daniel yelped. Janet turned quickly trying to cover up.

Then they spotted me in the doorway with the video camera.

"Hi Daddy. Hi Mama," I said trying for the cute innocent look.

Didn't work.

I'm so in trouble.

Again.

Fini


	9. Chapter 31: Consequences

Chapter 31: Consequences

They say children have to know their limits. Jack, once a father himself knows that. As the commander of SG-1, he was sharply aware of the need for limits. When to take a risk and when not to. That knowledge seems to have vanished through a wormhole.

At the moment Jack is sitting in his time out chair. After getting a much needed swat on the butt. I really hate having to do that. I really do. Tomorrow he starts going to daycare. As I tried to get his things together, it all went to hell.

"Not going," Jack said.

"You have to go," I replied. "We can't leave you here by yourself."

"Why not?"

"Because even though your mind is 47, your body is still that of two year old," I replied. "You can't be left alone."

"You don't trust me," Jack said flatly, arms crossed and scowling at me.

"Of course I trust you," I said. Not. "But if anyone sees you, they'll call the police and that's the kind of trouble we don't want."

Jack continued to pout. "Not going," he growled.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, but you have to," I said.

"It's nothing but a bunch of little kids," he argued.

"So pretend to be a little kid," I replied. I was starting to lose the tenuous grip I had on my patience. "It shouldn't be that hard."

"Not going!" Jack yelled.

Next thing I know he grabbed the backpack and proceeded to fling the contents all around the room. All attempts to reason with him failed. When he started throwing things at me and cursing at me in a variety of languages I actually know, I gave him a single sharp smack on the behind and parked him in the 'chair'.

It's only the second time I've ever had to resort to punishing him in that manner. I hope it's a long time before I ever have to do so again. I took the necessary 15 minutes to calm myself down then went over to the chair and hunkering down beside him.

There were tears down his cheeks and his thumb was stuck firmly in his mouth.

"Well?" I asked quietly.

"Sowwy," he said around his thumb. I gently pulled it from his mouth.

"I know you don't want to do this," I said. "And I don't know how to make it better, but it's the only choice we have."

Her turned in his chair and put his arms around my neck. I rested my cheek against his dark curls. Times like this I can almost forgive him anything. Almost.

"Don't know how to act like a kid," he mumbled.

"Of course you do," I replied. "When all else fails, consider this a covert mission to gather intel on an alien culture."

He actually seemed to perk up a little. "The teachers are goa'uld?" he asked.

"Err… no…"

"Primes?"

"Maybe…… be nice to them," I said.

"Okay…" he said slowly. I could almost hear the gears grinding away in his head. Oh no.

"I mean it. Be nice," I said again.

"I will," Jack replied resting his head on my shoulder. "Trust me."

Not. I had a feeling I would be attending many parent-teacher meetings.

"Love you, Daddy," he said.

"Love you too, Jack," I replied. Otherwise I'd kill you.

Fini


	10. Chapter 32: Daycare 1

Chapter 32: Daycare 1

I have a new student in my class. Jonathan Fraiser Jackson. He goes by the name of Jack. According to his paperwork he is supposed to be highly intelligent even at two. At the moment he is sitting quietly in the back of the classroom. His arms are crossed and he's watching the other children with an eerie sense of intensity. When he turns those dark eyes on me, even I feel uncomfortable and I've been a teacher for thirty years.

I gathered the little ones around. Today we were going to discuss the Ten Commandments. The basic tenants would serve them and give them the groundwork to make them responsible productive adults.

"Jack?" I called when he didn't join the circle of children on the floor.

"Yes, Mrs. Robeson?" he replied politely.

"Will you please join me and the rest of the children?" I asked.

He seemed to think about it for a moment and then came over and sat down on the edge.

"Today we're going to discuss why it is important that we honor our mother and father," I said.

The children came up with numerous reason all good and I was pleased. "Now, do you think there is a commandant about how we treat our brothers and sisters?" I asked.

Jack raised his hand and I nodded to him with a smile.

"Thou shall not kill," he said.

Fini


	11. Chapter 33: Daycare 2

Chapter 33: Daycare 2

Warning: Bullies

Okay, let me say this in a way you understand. I hate daycare. I like kids, don't get me wrong. They are wonderful little people. But it's not a career choice for me. Act like a kid Daniel says. Easier said than done. It's easier at home. I don't have to dumb down my conversation.

Did I just say that? I play the dumb colonel all the time. This should be a snap. It isn't. The last daycare center didn't work out. It wasn't my fault. It was expressed that I was 'too advanced for my age group'. I read Harry Potter. Sue me.

So here I am in a new daycare center aka prison and starting all over again. Very exclusive is what they say. Meaning they only accept the brats of rich parents. I'm not rich and neither is Daniel or Janet. But combining their income with my 'disability' income the government saw fit to give me we can afford it.

I hate it here. Free time again, And here come Medwyn. A four year old with a bad attitude. Of course if my name was Medwyn I'd have a bad attitude too. He likes to pick on the littler kids. And let's not forget his posse of tagalongs. Kids that learned quickly if you support the bully you have less of a chance of being hurt.

I so don't like this kid. The feeling is so mutual. Of course the teachers look the other way. They don't want to upset so-n-so's little darling.

So here I am putting together leggos. Hoping for distraction. Anything to make this day go by faster. I'm building a simple fort with one of the other kids. I think he's three. He's shown me those fingers repeatedly until I'm ready to break them. I have a feeling that wouldn't go over well. But he's okay for a 3 year old. I guess he's proud of the fact he's lived that long without his parents selling him to the circus.

Medwyn stands over our table. I look up. This is not good.

"Whatcha doin?" he asked.

"We are building an 18th century fort," I reply politely.

"It's ugly." Medwyn said with a sneer.

Obviously not for conversation, our Medwyn.

"No ith not!" Kenneth protested. Bad move.

"Yeth it ith!" Medwyn snarled and yanked it up by its side.

Leggos are not designed to hold much weight unless they're on a firm surface. So naturally it fell apart and Kenneth burst into tears. "You broke it!" he wailed.

Medwyn took a step toward Kenneth. The next moment I was between him and the younger child. Technically I was the youngest, physically, but that's no reason to pick on someone weaker than you. The goa'uld do that and countless worlds suffer because of it.

"You wanna be first?" Medwyn asked raising his fist in what he thought was a threatening manner. If I was big this would be funny. I checked where the teachers were. All blind with their backs turned of course.

I sighed. "You can try," I said.

Medwyn swung at me clumsily. I dodged easily. He swung again and again and never touched me. I remember a few things from being big. How to avoid getting hit. Then I stuck my foot out and off balance Medwyn kissed the floor.

The wails that resulted. I shook my head. You'd think I just shot him with a staff weapon. The teachers hurried over to coo and cuddle the little beast.

I may have flunked out of daycare again. But at least Medwyn's reputation as a bully is badly damaged. Beat up by a two-year-old.

Fini


	12. Chapter 34: Daycare 3

Chapter 34: Daycare 3

I think Daniel and Janet are losing the will to live. But the truth is it's not my fault. These daycare centers aren't equipped to handle 28 month old children with the brain of a 47 year old special operations trained military colonel. I'm not causing trouble, I swear. I'm doing my best to keep out of trouble.

So here I am at number 3 supposedly for gifted children. I'm gifted all right. I'm bored out of my skull. The kids around me are gifted. They're doing this for the first time. Me? Been there. Done that. Probably didn't like it. I don't think Ms. Reynolds knows what to make of me.

We're supposed to be making paper roses to give to our 'mommies' for Valentine's Day. I can just as easily get on the internet and order Janet the real thing.

My real mother… she died about 20 years ago. In a car accident. After she died… my father wasn't the same anymore. I carefully wrapped the pink paper around the green pipe cleaner stem. She always smelled like roses. We had roses in the front of the house. It's hard to remember how she smelled. Janet smells different. You'd think as a doctor she'd smell all medicinal. She actually smells like vanilla and musk. She's practically moved into the house. She says she likes it best when she comes home and all her 'kids' hug her. Me, Cassie and Jon.

000

The new child in my class is very quiet. According to his paperwork even at 28 months he's a genius. His speech and reading comprehension is nearly that of teenager. And his motor skills are highly advanced. He is patient and kind with the other children.

I shook my head. It must have been my imagination. But for a second, I swear I just saw the paper petals wrapping themselves around his 'stem' adding to the growing pile of 'roses' he was making for his mother. I have to admit. They almost look professional.

000

I picked up Jack from Daycare today since I got out of my meeting early. I wanted to see how he was doing. I stood in the doorway watching him finish his bouquet of flowers for Janet. They were amazing.

I blinked and shook my head. Did he just….? I stared harder. Jack's hand-eye coordination has improved since he's been working on it. His mind seems clearly elsewhere since he is barely looking at what he's doing. The bow is neatly tying itself around his 'roses'.

I swallowed. This isn't the first time something odd like this was happening with Jack. The bit with the languages was only the beginning. Something else is definitely up with our mini colonel.

At that moment he looked up and saw me standing in the doorway.

"Daddy!" he crowed.

I scooped him up when he ran to me. I smiled and ruffled his dark curls. I can't remember the last time he called me Daniel. The last few months I've been just 'Daddy'. Or fiend from hell if he's in a bad mood.

"I made mama some flowers," Jack informed me.

"I saw that," I replied. That's not all I saw. But now was not the time to talk about it.

"Is she working late tonight?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Depends if something comes up unexpectedly." Then I set him down. "Go get your gear."

While Jack went to get his backpack his teacher, Ms Reynolds approached me. I felt myself tense. Now what?

"Dr. Jackson, if you have a moment..." she began. This did not bode well.

"Is there a problem?" I asked.

She quickly shook her dark head. "Oh no," she said. "Your little Jack is a wonderful child."

She obviously hadn't gotten to know him yet.

"Sooo…?" I prompted.

She hesitated. "It's just that… he's so far advanced of his age group, it's very difficult keeping his attention," Ms. Reynolds said.

"This is a school for gifted children," I said. "I thought you would be able to handle his special needs."

"Normally that would be the case, Dr. Jackson," she replied. "But with Jack… I think you should consider the option of private tutors. Intellectually he's very advanced, but I don't think it would be wise to put him in with older students at his young age."

I sighed. This was not working out either. And with what I just saw, there could be problems. Then I noticed Jack quietly watching us and listening to every word. He had that blank expression that reveals nothing of what he's really feeling.

I smiled at him. "Ready to go?" I asked.

Jack nodded then looked at his teacher. "Good bye, Ms. Reynolds," he said holding out his hand. "It has been a pleasure."

She took his hand surprised. "Thank you, Jack."

I walked Jack out to the car and strapped him into the back. He was very quiet during the ride home, clutching his paper roses tightly in his pudgy hands. Janet's car was in the driveway so it looked like she was home early today as well. I got out and went to the back door, opened it and unbuckled Jack from his car seat.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He looked up at me and I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Acting like a kid and being a kid isn't the same thing," he said quietly.

Guilt smacked me on the back of the head like a two by four. "We'll figure something else out," I said firmly as I lifted him out.

I carried his backpack for him. He held his flowers in one hand and clutched my free hand with the other. Janet was waiting for us and opened the door letting the warmth waft out over us as we went inside.

Jack held up the roses to Janet. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mama," he said, his voice a little quieter than normal.

"Jack, they're beautiful," she said. She glanced and me and caught the 'we need to talk later look' I was giving her over Jack's head.

"They're not real roses," Jack replied. "I made them."

Janet crouched down and pulled him into her arms. "That makes them real enough for me, sweetie," she said.

Fini


	13. Chapter 35: Seeing Extremes

Chapter 35: Seeing Extremes

Warning: Children love the gross stuff.

I sat in the recliner in the living room and looked at Jack standing before me. Since the last incident at the daycare I finally realized what we were asking of him and it was too much. Jack was a child. But he was a unique child with special needs. I held out my hands to him.

"Come here," I said. Without hesitation he climbed into my lap. He cuddled close to my chest, his thumb in his mouth. "I'm sorry," I said.

Jack took his thumb out of his mouth and looked up at me. "Why?" he asked.

"For asking you to do something that was too hard for you," I said. "You're special and I put you in a situation that was completely wrong for you."

"S'okay," Jack said then tucked his head under my chin. He was quiet as I rocked him a little in my arms. "The base has daycare," he said.

I looked down at him surprised. "I know… I… we though that would be even harder for you," I said. "Being so close to the life you used to have."

"Better than nothing," Jack said. "And sometime I could come down and watch the gate, couldn't I?"

I nodded. "I suppose you could," I said. "I'm sure General Hammond would allow it. However…."

Jack looked up at me innocently. "What?"

"No more sneaking into the women's shower," I said. Jack gave me an innocent look. "And stay away from Carmichael's rats."

"I don't need a rat," Jack said. "I have Patches now."

Hearing his name mentioned, Patches lifted his head from his dog bed to look at us. Wherever Jack was, Patches wasn't far. Jack Russell terriers were supposed to be quite intelligent, and Patches seemed well on his way to proving that to be true. Though there are times it's like the dog is telepathic. Whatever Jack wants, Patches seems to show up with it in his mouth. How, I don't know.

"Messy muck, boogers tuck."

"Blow away da bob."

I heard Jack's voice. It seemed to be coming from the bathroom.

"Icky stick, never lick."

"Take a breath and lob."

I looked into the bathroom to see him. He had used the stepstool to climb onto the sink to get up close and personal with the bathroom mirror. He had a finger on the end of his nose and was pushing it up as if he was trying to see inside.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Checking boogers, Daddy," he replied.

I stared at him in confusion. Lately that's been happening a lot. "Why…?" I asked. I will willingly admit I was afraid to hear the answer.

"Because if they are in the right position and the correct consistency you can blow them out like spit balls," Jack said.

I sighed. That explained the current state of the bathroom mirror.

I am going to have an aneurysm. My hair is going to go completely white in a very short time, provided I have any left. Jack is in climbing mode. Every time I turn around I find him on top of something. Counters, tables, you name it. I'm going to remove every stepstool and chair in the house. I swear I will. And the ladder on Jon's bed.

This time I found Jack on the top bunk. At the foot of the bed is a window. Jack is currently perched on the very edge looking out the window. He's as still as a statue. That is unusual since he's normally fidget-kid.

"Jack?" I said softly. The last thing I wanted to do was startle him. Apparently I didn't have to worry about that. He turned to me and put a finger to his lips, and then he gestured for me to join him.

Quietly I climbed up beside him, slipping an arm around him to keep him steady.

"Look, Daddy," Jack whispered.

He pointed out the window. Just outside was a holly tree. The branches were growing in such a way you could see within the tree. Tucked within the branches was a small nest. On the next was a small bird. It was light gray and brown, the color muted as it blended in among the limbs of the tree. The little black eye seemed to be staring back at us fearlessly.

"A mourning dove," I said softly.

"Zenaida macroura," Jack whispered. I looked at him startled as the Latin name of the bird rolled off his tongue.

"That's right," I said.

He looked up at me and smiled. "She has two eggs," he said. Then his eyes turned back to the bird. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes," I said. "She is."

We sat together on the bunk for a long time watching the dove who was watching us in return. I felt… peace.

Fini


	14. Chapter 36: A Pox On It All

Chapter 36: A Pox On It All

Jack is in a rotten mood. I know, what's new about that? He alternates between bad moods all the time. Doesn't mean he doesn't have good moods. He does. Unfortunately some of his good moods include 'the terrorist'. I still haven't found the video tape.

There are times when he's the sweetest child in the world. And his mood has improved since we have him in the daycare near the base. It's a lot easier now. He even plays nice (most of the time) with the other children. We have Sgt. Amber Bundy to watch him when Janet or I are working late.

Amber is a good woman. Fortunately she has had special ops training herself. She recognizes Jack's little tricks. Most of the time. Although I don't know if she'll ever forgive him for the ink in her moisturizing lotion. Her hands are still pale blue.

I have no idea where he got a hold of carbon paper. I didn't know they still made it. What he did to Cassie's headphones was... unkind. I think Jon gave himself a hernia to keep from laughing in her face. Although he calls her Minnie Mouse now.

But back to Jack's current bad mood. Jack is sick. Apparently the chicken pox is going around the base daycare. Now naturally Janet ensured that our little beast was fully up to date on his immunizations. So how did he get chickenpox?

Well... nothing is 100 percent effective. Like condoms. What made me think of that? Never mind. Apparently Jack is in that tiny percentage that still gets it even with the shot.

Janet is feeling guilty. Jack is being a beast. A polka-dot beast. I've taken some time off to deal with him. Have I mentioned a sick Jack-Beast is a terrible thing?

"I itch!" Jack snarled.

"I know," I replied after drying him off from his latest oatmeal bath. "Don't scratch!" I caught the hand reaching for his butt.

"This sucks," he said squirming.

"In more ways than you can imagine." I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom.

"Where's mama?" he asked.

"At work," I replied. Hiding probably. I would.

"Want mama," Jack said. "She has to fix this."

"Jack, she can't fix it," I said. "Just be glad you just have a mild case."

"You call this mild?!" he wailed at me.

"Yes, if you hadn't had the shots you'd have a full blown case of chicken pox all over your body," I replied. Yes, I did a little research. He could be so much worse.

"Well this sucks!" Jack grumped.

"On so many levels," I replied as I got him into a pair of pajamas.

Of course I also had to deal with him squirming as he tried to scratch at his few itches. Catching little hands that tried to reach the really itchy spots. Janet gave me a cream to use on him which really did help. Not that he seemed to appreciate it much. Monster.

"I hate this!"

"So you've said."

"I really hate this!"

"I know that." I tucked his hands into mittens. A suggestion from the mother of one of Cassie's friend Cheryl. Bless her heart.

"Now, hold still while I get you some Tylenol," I said. "It'll help with the fever."

"Kay..." Jack grumped.

I quickly headed toward the bathroom for the children's Tylenol. Taped on the inside of the medicine cabinet were Janet's instructions for treatment. I read through them again. Janet's at work and Cassie and Jon are staying with friends. Cowards.

"Chicken pox was created by goa'ulds!" I heard Jack state as I headed back to his room.

"I wouldn't put it past them," I grumbled as I entered the room.

"Probably Nirrti," Jack said. "She likes to pull that kind of crap."

I grunted agreement as I gave him the Tylenol. It would help with the fever.

"Bet she re-sequenced some unsuspecting chickens," Jack continued.

"Uh huh," I grunted trying to get his hand back into the mittens. How he gets them off escapes me. "Please leave these on," I said.

"I itch," Jack whined.

"I know, baby, but you don't want to add infection to your list of complaints," I said trying to be reasonable. Why do I bother?

"I hate this, daddy," he said.

"I know," I said as I tucked him into bed. "Try to get some sleep."

Jack snuggled down into his bed, his eyes struggling to stay open. "Why did this happen to me?" he asked. "Why did I have to get the Pox?"

I quietly turned off the lights. "Because you had to kiss that little girl, Lisa who was contagious," I replied and walked out of the room.

Fini


	15. Chapter 37: Mother's Day

Chapter 37: Mother's Day

I wasn't nervous. I was wary. Jack alone was enough of a terrorist. But the last few days, Jack, Cassie and Jon all had their heads together. I knew it involved Janet. And I had a feeling they were doing something for Mother's Day.

This was the first year we have all been together as a family on this day. It still surprises me sometimes. I have a family. Jack calls me Daddy. Jon calls me Daniel unless he needs something. Then I'm Dad. Especially in front of his friends. He won't say why, but I don't feel the need to push him on it. Cassie sometimes calls me Uncle Daniel. But lately over the phone I'm referred to as 'my father'. Usually that's followed by 'won't let me (fill in the blank)'.

But this is about Janet. To Jack, she's Mama. No exceptions. She's always been Mom to Cassie since she adopted her years ago. There have been times lately I've come home to hear from Jon; "For crying out loud, Mom!" Followed by Janet's pat response; "Don't even try it."

We used to call her the power monger with big needles. Wait, we still call her that. For a small woman she holds the power. When did I stop being head of the house? Come to think of it, was I ever?

So here I am, under orders to stay out from underfoot. Ordered by Jack, no less. I obeyed instructions to not wake Janet up when I got up. Not easily done, mind you with the way she likes to snuggle in her sleep, but I managed it.

Jon and Cassie are working on breakfast. Jack is working making sure the tray looks perfect. That's when I finally had a task. Jack asked me for sharp scissors. Then leading me by the hand took me out to the yard. There are rose bushes to one side well out of the way of someone stumbling into them accidentally.

"Mama needs perfect roses," Jack stated quite firmly.

I looked at the bushes. They had buds, but that was all. They were no where near ready to blossom. "The flower shop might be open early today," I suggested.

Jack firmly shook his head. "It has to be these," he said.

"Jack, they're not ready," I said.

Jack just smiled. "They will be," he said and began to study the buds with intense concentration.

I frowned slightly as I watched him wondering what he was going to do this time. He's been doing a lot of…. unusual things lately. Janet and I are fairly certain the ancient library was not removed but suppressed by the Asgard. With his being downsized and the normal adaptation of the human brain during this stage of life, I think some mental rewiring has been done and it's coming out.

Following orders, I snipped the six stems he designated with fat buds on the top and carried them in for him. Apparently he'd rather I get nailed by thorns than him. Breakfast was ready by the time we came back in. Whole wheat pancakes, lean bacon, juice, and the always required coffee. I snipped the thorns off Jack's roses and he placed them carefully in the small vase on the tray.

"Are we ready?" Jon asked looking at Jack and raising an eyebrow. Jack nodded firmly.

Following the stern order from the short one, I headed back to the bedroom. I sat down on the side of the bed and gently kissed Janet's cheek. She smiled as she gently came out of sleep and opened her beautiful brown eyes.

"Happy Mother's Day," I said smiling down at her. Her smile widened even more at my words.

I fluffed up the pillows behind her so she could sit up, which made her look at me curiously. I just smiled in what I hoped was a mysterious manner. The next moment, the bedroom door opened. Jack came in first and climbed up on the foot of the bed. Jon followed him, carrying the tray which he carefully placed over Janet's lap.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Jack crowed, echoed by Jon and Cassie who had joined him at the foot of the bed.

Their words seemed to make her glow. She touched the rosebud. "From the yard?" she asked.

"They're not ready yet," Jack said.

"That's all right," Janet said with a smile. "They are still very beautiful."

"They will be," Jack said. Janet and I both looked at him a little puzzled. Then he reached for Cassie and Jon's hands and closed his eyes.

Jon and Cassie held Jack's hands between both of their own, closing their eyes and seeming to concentrate on something. That's when we looked at the rose buds. They were no longer buds. They grew, large and fat until they burst into full bloom in front of our shocked eyes. White roses edged with a blush of pink along the edges.

The three sagged a little but looked rather pleased with them selves. "If we did it right, we should be able to plant them so you have your own mother's day rose bush," Cassie said.

"B-but how…?" Janet stuttered.

"Jack did most of the work," Jon explained. "But we found we can supply him with energy so he doesn't wear himself out over the difficult stuff."

"B-but…?" Janet began. I put a finger over her lips silencing her.

"Happy Mother's Day," I said. "From your children."

Janet looked into my eyes and realized I was right. Today was her gift, from our children. She turned to smile at them and they seemed to bask in the glow of her love.

FINI


	16. Chapter 38: Father's Day

Moving Along 38: Father's Day

By Gemsong

A/N: Yeah. Late. Oh well. But I hear they have Father's Day in September in Oz-Land.

It's my turn to be banned from the kitchen. It's Father's Day and Daniel is supposed to sleep in. If he's still asleep, I'd be amazed. And things are not going as smoothly as they did for Mother's Day. Apparently I have a lot to be grateful for. But the price was a little too high.

I found out later, the stunt that Jack had pulled with my flowers, even with Cassie and Jon somehow feeding him energy had cost him. I didn't find out until Monday how big the cost was. Jack had hidden it from me so not to ruin my day.

He had awakened Jon in the middle of the night with moaning. Jon turned on the light to find Jack with a nosebleed and a raging headache. X-rays, MRI, CAT along with a bunch of tests showed that little brain is very active. And when he exerts himself too much, his body doesn't handle the strain well. I've currently have him on some medication that will hopefully suppress his ability. So far it seems to be working. Or at least he's letting it work.

So once again the plan is breakfast in bed. Apparently Jack is not being as helpful as one would like. Or rather he was being too helpful. Jon was trying to rein him in with little success. I think Cassie is coming close to tearing out her hair. Needless to say, the Jack-Beast was in full force this morning.

"But I want to help!" Jack was yelling. I'm amazed at his lung capacity.

"You are helping," Jon said with more patience than I've ever given him credit for. "But I don't want you burning yourself on the stove." He turned back to cooking bacon.

Jack attacked the toaster and did his best to butter the toast. Of course it wouldn't cooperate and skittered off the table to land face down on the floor. Stealth puppy Patches was on the case and snatched up the slice and took off at high speed. He'd be back. The amount of stuff that has hit the floor was keeping him busy.

A glass of orange juice was removed from tiny hands. "No, no, no! Let me! Let me! Let me!" came the howl. "I'm telling on you! Mommmyyyyyy!!"

That was my cue to vanish. They wanted to do this; they would have to deal with the consequences. I returned to the bedroom to find Daniel sitting up in bed reading a book. He looked up at smiled at me.

"I'm in bed," he said.

I smiled. "I didn't think you could sleep through that," I replied. "He means well."

Daniel just shook his head and returned to the book. A few minutes later the breakfast brigade showed up. Jon entered first with Cassie and Jack following behind. Cassie had Jack by the hand and our little boy looked none too happy.

"Happy father's day," Jon said placing the tray over Daniel's lap.

"Thank you, Jon," Daniel said.

"Anything for you 'Dad'," he said.

Cassie leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Happy Father's Day," she said with a big smile.

Jack was not going to be satisfied with a sedate greeting. He quickly clambered onto the bed to give Daniel a hug. Unfortunately imperfect coordination, enthusiasm and a bed with good springs turned into disaster. The tray was overturned. Coffee, eggs, bacon, toast when flying in all directions.

Daniel looked bemused. Jon and Cassie were stunned. Jack had a look of horror on his face. I would have killed to have a camera in my hand at that moment.

I never expected to have a father's day. It got away from us last year, but apparently not this year. In all honesty, after Sha're died and I gave up Shifu to Oma Desala, I had pretty much given up the idea of ever being a father.

Now everything is different. I have Janet in my life and three children that call me Dad. But one of them is missing. After the morning dust up with the breakfast tray, Jack had been noticeably absent. Everyone pitched in to help with the clean up. I thought Janet was going to have a heart attack trying not to laugh. In retrospect it was rather funny. Jack was only trying to give me a hug.

I found myself searching for the little terrorist. He'd finally outgrown the vent in the den. So that left me having to look in other places. After about an hour I found him. He was outside under the rose bushes. There was a little space just big enough for him and Patches. Well fortified against grown up intrusion with all the thorns.

I sat down on the grass. "Come on out, Jack," I said.

There was a rustle and soon a dirt streaked little boy crawled out from under the roses. He looked so miserable I opened my arms and he threw himself into my lap. There were tears mixed in with the dirt.

"Jack, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I ruined your father's day," he said sniffling. "Its supposed to be special and I messed it all up."

"No you didn't," I said.

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

He looked up at me then and seemed surprised that I was grinning at him. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Jack, do you know why Father's day is so special?" I asked.

"Sorta… I still remember when I used to have them," he replied.

"Let me tell you why today is so special to me, then," I said. "It's because of you. Because of you I have a family. Because of you, I'm a father. You let me take that role in your life and I know you wouldn't do that for just anyone. You gave me a reason to celebrate the day. I love you."

Jack's eyes will filled with tears as he put his arms around my neck. "I love you, daddy," he whispered in my ear.

Fini


	17. Chapter 39: Erase & Rewind

Moving Along 39: Erase & Rewind

By Gemsong

Disclaimer: Duh, not mine.

Author's Note: For Amy, Cheryl & Lisa

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Really. I was curious. I mean, you hear people say it all the time. I mean it's obvious that you can't use a DVD player as a cup holder. Where would you put the disk? We hardly ever use the VCR anymore. Who watches tapes anymore?

I mean, I have some, but I don't watch them. The remotes out of my reach anyway. But still... you hear about it, but what does it really do?

I looked at my grilled cheese sandwich which I didn't want. Then I looked at the VCR. It's got dust on it. And it's on a low shelf.

I bent down in front of it. On button right in front. Ever notice how more and more they put the buttons on top and in the back? I open up the little flap. No tape. But it seems like the right size.

So, just pop it in to see what it does. Then hit the eject button and it pops out. Maybe it'll have some holes in it. Hummm... okay, I guess the eject button isn't working.

It's also making a weird noise. Oh, this isn't good. Maybe the stop button? Fast Forward? Rewind? Play. Oh crap. This is very bad. Off button. There. No worries.

I take my plate back to the kitchen. No one the wiser and I didn't have to eat that stupid sandwich.

"Do you mind if I use the VCR?" I heard him ask. "I brought some tapes of some ruins SG-3 found."

My stomach cramped. VCR? He's going to use the VCR? He can't... I mean... it's broken. It wouldn't eject. What am I gonna do? Hide! I need to hide! But where?? Where can I go?! I can't reach anything...crap...I feel like that ice age squirrel! Oh no! I hear him in the living room. I'm so dead.

Footsteps coming down the hallway. I look around the room frantically. What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do? He's going to kill me. The guillotine? A zat? A hand device?

"JAAAACCCCK!"

"Thit."

Fini


	18. Chapter 40: Drums

Moving Along 40: Drums

By Gemsong

This is a test. I'm being tested. Daniel and Janet are testing me. It's a very good test, but right now I think I hate them. Daniel had taken me aside to talk to me about something privately. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My first reaction was to say yes, but Daniel insisted I think about it. Now I understand why he thought I should think about it.

I'm baby sitting the Jack Beast. Also known as the tiny terrorist. The hell mouth. Mini-mini me. Daniel, you rat bastard.

I'm sitting in the living room and Jack is playing with a toy. A very noisy toy. Toy drums. Why would Teal'c give him toy drums?

Bang bang bangity bang!

And I don't mean regular drums. These are the kind you plug into the USB port of a computer. It came with instructions. The sound comes out of the speakers. We have extremely good speakers.

Bang bang bangity bang!

I've turned the volume down six times. When I turn my back Jack quickly turns it back on full.

Bang bang bangity bang!

My head is starting to throb in time to the drum beats.

Bang bang bangity bang!

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Bang bang bangity bang!

"Jack!"

He looks at me. All big brown eyes and innocent smile. Like I don't know better. "Give it a rest," I asked. Okay. I begged.

"I gotta practice!"

"Why?!" I can't help the note of desperation in my voice.

"I'm going to grow up and be just like Phil Collins and Neil Pert," he replied.

Bang bang bangity bang!

He's doing this to annoy me.

Bang bang bangity bang!

He's trying to drive me insane.

Bang bang bangity bang!

Daniel is right. I really need to re-think his offer to become legally his son.

Bang bang bangity bang!

As soon as I'm able to think.

Finis


	19. Chapter 41: Family Matters

Moving Along 41: Family Matters (Dialog)

By Gemsong

"I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Why not? It would officially make you my big brother."

"I still have trouble dealing with the fact I'm you're clone. And you're very short."

"I thought you were over that."

"So did I."

"Don't you want to?"

"Part of me does."

"What part is that?"

"The part that wants a family and to belong somewhere."

"That's really deep."

"Shut up, squirt."

"The other part?"

"That part is flinching at the thought of being called Jon Jackson."

"Try being Jack Jackson."

"You've got the cuteness factor going for you."

"Like that's going to last."

"If you hope to reach adulthood, it better."

"I suppose Jon and Jonathan is a bad idea."

"Ya think?""

"Jon and Jonathan Jackson."

"Flinch worthy."

"Jon and Jon."

"You can stop now."

"Jonny Jackson. J.J. Jackson."

"Are you looking to explore child abuse?"

"So use our middle name."

Silence.

"That could work. Think about it."

"I am thinking about it."

"Richard Jackson."

"Ummm…"

"Rick Jackson. Fighter pilot."

"I don't think…"

"Rick 'Action' Jackson. Football hero."

"Kill me now."

"Think about it."

"I'm getting a headache."

"It's a great idea."

"We hate our middle name."

"We can just try it on for size."

"I'm getting a migraine."

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

"I'm still thinking."

"Today's episode was brought to you by the numbers 16 and 3 and by the letter J."

"Come here you!"

Finis


	20. Chapter 42: What's In A Name?

Moving Along 42: What's In a Name?

By Gemsong

I hate legal documents. But they are a necessary evil in the modern world. Especially when you want to keep secrets. I unfortunately have lots of secrets and there aren't that many people in the world I can share them with. You certainly can't write 'Jack O'Neill clone' on a resume. Forty some years of experience I can't make a claim to. All that belongs to the real Jack O'Neill.

I set the papers down and looked at the original. He was sitting on the floor watching television. In his hand was the remote that he was using to flick through the channels. He's also in the body of a three year old. Well he will be three next month. And technically I'll be seventeen.

I sighed and looked down at the documents again. I have to choose my legal name. I tried my middle name Richard and decided it wouldn't work. Mainly because the first person who calls me 'Dick' will need surgery when I'm done with them.

I had been going by Jon Neill. But if I allow Daniel to 'adopt me' then I would be Jon Neill Jackson. Jon Jackson. For the love of god that's bad. I sigh. Daniel is letting the decision be mine. Technically I don't need to be adopted. I'm old enough to be emancipated. I did all right for a couple years on my own. But somehow I've been drawn into this household. I have a brother and sister. A father and a mother. It's different. It's strange. But I'll admit I like it. I like being part of something.

I set the papers down on coffee table and look at the mini mini-me. I was a cute kid. He was a cute kid. He is a cute kid. I'm getting a migraine. I lean back on the couch to watch the television. Jack appears to have settled on something. A commercial.

It was an old guy. Gray hair and beard, wearing a doctor's lab coat. Like those old timey doctors that used to make house calls. He smiles benignly as his captive audience.

"Hello... I'm doctor Melman to remind you about your annual exam important for men over 40," he said.

For crying out loud. On the bright side I don't have to deal with that for a while.

The doctor smiled warmly. "We all know how much you hate the exam," he said. Then he held up a glove encased finger. "Imagine how your doctor feels."

Jack was rolling on the floor laughing like crazy. I was choking. Now that was a commercial.

It took both of us a little while to recover. Jack got up from the floor and came over to me, his hands on my knees. He was still smiling and I couldn't help but smile back. It had been weird at first. He wasn't sure he accepted me and I wasn't sure I wanted to be around all the things I couldn't have. The life I couldn't have. But now... I guess neither of us had that life we had. He had. Not anymore. Oh... never mind. The migraine's back.

"Will you help me with something?" Jack asked.

"Will it explode?" I asked cautiously.

"Not this time," he responded.

"So what do you want?" I asked. With Jack it could be anything

"I want to get something from the attic," Jack said. He turned on the charm he knows I'm immune to.

"Janet would implode at the idea," I replied.

"Not if you help me," Jack said turning on the wheedling tone. "Responsible supervision and all that. Besides, she wouldn't do anything permanent."

"And this is to inspire me how?" I asked.

His expression changed slightly. He was sincere. This was something important to him. "It'll be worth it, I promise," Jack said.

Yup. No doubt about it. I have 'sucker' permanently tattooed on my forehead. The little beast knows me far to well. If he thinks it's important, then it probably is. I just hope this doesn't explode like the time he mixed the cleaning supplies together.

So off we went to the hall and I reached up to pull down the attic stairs. I carefully maneuvered the two of us up the ladder. Did I mention that we're the only two home at the moment? Did I mention that Daniel and Janet would torture me horribly if they saw this? Cassie would squeal on us. She hasn't forgiven us for the Minnie Mouse crack.

We looked around. Technically I've never been up here, but I remember it clearly. Boxes stacked haphazardly, old furniture covered with blankets. Dust over everything. Except the Christmas ornaments. But we use those.

"There!" Jack said pointing to a small box on a shelf. "Get that one."

I lifted it down brushed off some of the thick layer of dust that had accumulated on it. It was a small wooden chest actually. It had once belonged to our grandmother. I sat down on the floor and Jack settled down beside me. For a moment I didn't want to open it. To bring back memories that weren't mine.

"Our gramma and grampa," Jack said.

I looked at him startled. "What?"

"It's true, no matter how it happened," Jack said.

"Thanks," I said. Okay. I admit it. I had a huge lump in my throat and my eyes were burning. Must be all the dust.

"Neill," Jack said.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't feeling terribly bright at the moment.

"Your name. Neill," Jack said. "Two 'l's. One 'l' has no sense of humor."

"Neill," I said trying it out. I was surprised I liked it.

"And Dean... after grampa," Jack continued. "Neill Dean Jackson. What do you think?"

I was silent for a moment. Then I found myself smiling. "I think I've just been christened."

"Dang, and me without a bucket of water," Jack said and giggled.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Is this why we're up here?" I asked finally.

"Only partly," Jack said. "What do you think of giving gramma's ring to Daddy to give to Mommy?"

I smiled. "I think you're brilliant," I said.

Jack laughed, climbed into my lap and hugged me. I hugged him back tightly. I hugged my little brother.

Fini


	21. Chapter 43: Battle Zone

Moving Along 43: Battle Zone

By Gemsong

Until today I didn't realize how lucky I was. I mean, I'm always so busy. Especially since I joined the cheerleading squad. Then there are all my friends. I have so much to do in addition to my schoolwork. High School on Earth is nothing like I would have imagined it would be. But I love it. My courses are challenging and I have tons of friends.

I had plans for this weekend. Me and my friends were supposed to go to the mall today. It's Saturday and Penny's is having a 6 hour sale on fall fashions and lingerie. Instead of having a good time, I'm stuck sitting the Jack Beast. A chore I've avoided with great care. Who wants a baby brother tagging along? Plus the fact that he's such a monster I think the goa'uld would fear him.

Dad is off world on a 2 week mission with Aunt Sam, Uncle Teal'c and some new guy named Cameron Mitchell. Mom is on base because a team came back with injuries. Uncle George is in Washington for a meeting. And Jon…. I mean Neill has football practice he can't miss for the game tomorrow. Which means I have to Jack sit. Me. This is so unfair. Jack is a monster. An annoying monster.

"Cassie?"

Oh god it's started. It's not even 8:00 am. "Yes, Jack," I said preparing for the worst.

"I'm hungry," he said.

I finally looked at him. He didn't look any happier with the situation than I was. The least I could do is feed him and hope he doesn't wreck the joint.

"How about some cereal?" I asked. I am not in the mood to cook some huge breakfast he probably won't eat.

He gave me that little sweet smile. "Froot Loops?" he asked hopefully. Okay, I melted a little. Mom had this thing about proper meals. Jack didn't get froot loops as often as he would like.

A little while later the two of us were sitting at the breakfast bar eating froot loops. They were pretty good. Mom never kept them in the house, but since we've been living here, Neill always made sure there was a box on hand. He loved them and would eat them as a midnight snack.

He was going to be a little pissed when he finds the empty box in the cupboard. I call it revenge. Especially for the number of pranks that have been pulled on me. I glanced at the instigator of some of those pranks. Jack and Neill are the worst pranksters. Nobody in this house is safe. Mom always examines her glass before drinking after the goldfish incident.

He helps me clean up and then we go to the living room to watch TV. I flick through the channels. And there it is! A live news report from the mall! Four hours left! It would take an hour to get there!

Jack looked at the TV and then looked at me. "Shame you don't want to go," he said. "After all, I behaved when Neill took me Christmas shopping…"

I can't bear it. "Get dressed!" I snapped and ran to my room to grab my allowance.

I dumped everything I needed in my purse including my phone when I hear Jack's voice. "I called a cab!" he yelled. "We'll be there in no time."

I love my little brother.

The cab arrived and Jack handed me the money from his allowance to pay for it. "Save your money for clothes," he said. I'm going to have repay him for this somehow.

We arrived at the mall in a short time. Jack didn't object to the leash at all and quietly stayed close to me as we entered the fray of shopping hell/heaven.

I can't believe I was so incredibly naive and stupid.

"CASSIE!!" I heard my name squealed across the roar of teenaged and not so teenaged female masses. It was my friends Natasha, Anny and Lisa! I waved my arms at them. This was going to great. We could do the wedge maneuver to the best stuff.

Then I saw Leenie and Elizabeth battling the crowd to reach us. We had a full compliment. We quickly planned our operation and where to go first before the geriatric crowd did a block on the lingerie department.

We moved in, Natasha taking point with Leenie and Anny as her wingmen pushing through the crowd.

We hit the lingerie department, completely ignoring the swimsuit section. That was so last season. The snatch and grab began. Hair pulling, elbows flying...no body part was spared in the quest for a bargain

But I forgot something. I had kinda ignored the tugging at my waist.

I should have paid more attention. I should have checked the rule book. I think I need to add to the rule. Never take the tiny terrorist to a sale in a lingerie department. And make sure he doesn't have a bag of marbles in his pocket. Subsection to the rule; make sure thongs have not fallen to the floor in the made dash and mayhem that are in reach of three year old fingers.

Anny yelped in pain grabbing her rear. Then Natasha grabbed her chest with a similar yelp of pain. Then she pulled the bright blue marble out of her cleavage.

Out of the corner of my eye I say the launch of another marble. I saw Lisa turn at the wrong moment. It was unfortunate she chose today to wear her aquabra. Jack's aim was impeccable. The marble hit and created a tiny hole which squirted at high volume right into Lisa's face. She wasn't wearing waterproof make up. Mascara started running made her look like a raccoon.

Lingerie dropped to the floor while Lisa screamed trying to stem the geyser that was her chest with one hand while the other hand tried to cover the black lines running down her face.

At this point Jack had backed into a corner. His eyes wide and determined. The stampede of estrogen shoppers putting him on the defensive. His only weapon, a hot pink thong and a diminishing supply of marbles.

While Leenie frantically tried to stem the tide of Lisa's poor choice in breast support I realized something. Jack had cleared the area. Those unmarked by marble strikes snatched and grabbed. I grabbed up Jack and ran for the check out counter. The rest followed in my wake.

Needless to say, the shopping trip ended early. What do I have to show for it? A pair of hot pink thongs that have seen a battle no thong has seen before.

Unfortunately some of the action was caught on camera. I hope mom doesn't see the news.

Fini

Author's Note: No boobs were permanently injured during the making of this story - several ego's may be slightly frayed though.


	22. Chapter 44: Bada Boom!

Moving Along 44: Bada Boom

By Gemsong

Author's Note: Here it is. The season finale of Moving along. Endless thanks to Cheryl who not only contributed one-liners, but even beta'd the rather long episode.

You know... if anyone has something to bitch about it's me. A year and a half ago I was a kick ass soldier on an elite team of explorers to the far reaches of the galaxy. Now I'm stuck in a three year old body for another 10 years. I think I have plenty to bitch about.

So yeah... I act out sometimes. All the fault of the hormones in this new body. I can't control myself like the good old days. The upside? The gray is gone and my knees don't hurt. Just doesn't quite make up for the rest of it.

Cassie is in a foul mood. I don't think it's just PMS. All because of the incident at the mall. I don't know what she's so angry about. Maybe because the only thing she bought was a hot pink thong she won't wear. No matter. I can put it to good use.

Her punishment is none of her girlfriends get to come over for a month. Gaggle of geese. Janet was livid about the incident. Caught on tape. Who knew she'd see the news report in the mountain. I think some 'kind' soul brought it to her attention. Probably even taped it for her. She certainly couldn't wait to show Daniel when he and the rest of SG-1 got back from their mission.

I think Teal'c said something about a great warrior is one who uses any weapon that comes to hand. Somehow that didn't go over well with Mama either. Needless to say she's PMSing too. I think. Who knows?

I am ready for some fun. I've got my black jeans, my black tee-shirt, my stealth sneakers and my wraparound Ray Bans that Sam got me last Christmas. I look totally cool. Nobody knows I have marbles in my pocket or the thong of death.

Here comes Sam, Teal'c and that new guy Cameron. Save me from southern drawls. My eyes narrowed. Trial by fire? Even though I'm innocently sitting well away from the grill and on the steps of the deck. He wouldn't suspect a thing.

Sam and Teal'c give me a hug. They don't baby-sit me often. Not that I need baby sitting, but for some reason Daddy and Mama refuse to leave me in the house alone. You'd think they didn't trust me.

"Hey, little guy," Cameron said in that adult to baby tone. He's dead. I notice Sam and Teal'c exchanged looks. They didn't warn him.

I nodded with dignity. "Colonel Mitchell," I said formally. He did a double take. Heh.

He had no response to that so he went to make himself useful over by the grill. I slipped off the step and into the bushes. Phase One to commence. 'Little guy' my hot pink thong.

The first marble hit his calf. He jumped and yelped. The marble kindly rolled off the deck unseen. The second hit his thigh.

"What do you have here? Monster mosquitoes?" he asked. I was impressed how everyone looked blandly innocent.

Shot number three hit with force and accuracy on his not so little butt. Kind of funny watching him grab his rear with a girly yip.

I was going for the next shot when I heard a voice behind me. "Hand it over," Cassie said.

I looked up at her. "You're not going to wear it," I offered scrunching it back into my pocket.

She gave a long suffering sigh. "Stop shooting Cam or I'm telling," she said.

I snorted. "Spoil sport."

The next moment I heard Patches yipping frantically in the kitchen. I heard a crash. Then I heard Mama swearing with such eloquent graphic detail a puff of blue smoke came out the sliding door. So did Patches for that matter and straight to his dog house.

Patches loves peanut butter. So I smeared some on Mama's shoes. I guess that didn't go over well.

Cassie sighed. "Hell spawn."

I looked at her innocently. "What?"

Cassie looked up then. "Speaking of spawn from hell..." she muttered.

I turned around to see what she was looking at. Neill had come home... with... her. The hell bitch. His current girlfriend. Leeza... also known as Sleeza. If there is one thing this entire family agrees on is Neill's sudden lack of taste and common sense.

"We have a foothold situation," I said. "Hathor has arrived."

"Do you have any marbles left?" Cassie asked.

"Naturally," I replied. "What does he see in her? She's so ugly when she walks along the beach the tide won't come in."

Cassie giggled. Leeza really wasn't ugly. She was just… perfect… like a life size perfectly coiffed Barbie doll. Did I mention Neill suddenly loss of common sense and taste. It's pretty much a given Cassie and I hate miss snooty.

Then it hit me. The Starbuck's Barbie brigade. Miss Flip-two-three-four... They had to be related. I looked at her nails. They were bright orange. And as long as galvanized roofing nails.

Slowly I withdrew the shooter. It was a matter of honor. Cassie moved in front of me with her arms crossed offering me cover. I took careful aim. The shots had to count now.

It hit her hair. It bounced! I'm serious! Bounced like it hit a goa'uld personal shield! She shrieked.

"My hair!!" she cried. Her perfect coiffure fluttering in the air like Pinhead in the movie Hellraiser.

In shock I clung to the back of Cassie's shirt. Leeza then flipped her hair. I was horror struck. Doubly so when Neill made a beeline straight for us.

He stopped in front of us and held out his hand. "Hand it over, squirt," he said.

Cassie and I managed identical expressions of pure innocence while I hid the offending thong/marble shooter in my pocket.

"God, what do you see in her," Cassie said trying the distraction routine.

"Aren't you a little old to be playing with Barbie dolls?" I added helpfully.

"She's a nice girl," Neill said defensively taking the bait.

"Aspiring to be her first prime?" I asked.

Neill snarled something I'm pretty sure would have rivaled Mama's outburst that sounded something along the lines of three zat blasts disintegrates. He stalked away to assure Sleeza her nails were still perfect little talons of despair.

Cassie sighed and I patted her hand. "Don't worry," I said. "It's not over yet."

My sister nodded as she watched Neill comforting Leeza. The way she was flinging about her perfect nails she should be hitting his jugular any time now. And the expression on his face... well, we can only hope a grain of sense has returned. Or I'm guessing Hathor wasn't the only one with access to Nishta. Time will tell.

I'm sure you've noticed I haven't mentioned Daniel. You see, Daddy's a little distracted. Okay, a lot distracted. He's got a ring burning a hole in his pocket. Mama has no idea what was coming. Actually, I think she's the only one who doesn't know. With the possible exception of Leeza and Patches. Wait... I just insulted my dog.

Fortunately dinner didn't rely on Daddy. Teal'c took over grilling duties. Steaks, burgers, hot dogs, salad... the works. Although watching Leeza trying to eat a hot dog with a fork brought to mind images that don't belong in the head of a three year old. And if that's how she's keeping my brother in line... shudder.

Daddy and Mama were shooed away from clean up duties. It was time for him to make his move. He took her by the hand and they walked out into garden. There was a stone bench under a yellow maple that was just changing color. The perfect scene.

I was going to watch, but I had other plans. Time for phase... uh... I think I lost count. No matter. I casually mentioned to Neill he might want to take Leeza around to other side of the shed to give Mama and Daddy privacy for the big moment.

Everything was in place. I grabbed my stash from my rosebush cave and headed for the compost bin. It wasn't easy shoving the bottles into the sides through the mesh, but I managed. The only problem was time. Cherry bombs had short fuses.

I lit all three with my lighter and ran. Patches ran with me thinking it was a new game. This was gonna be good.

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!**

Uh oh... maybe a little too much nitrate based fertilizer. But you gotta admit it was spectacular. The contents of the compost bin mushroomed into an awe inspiring explosion. On the downside... the contents rained down on everything... and everyone. And the stink...

I heard the voices of Daddy and Mama raised in unison.

"JAAAAACCCK!!"

Fini

Don't worry. The Adventures of Little Jack will continue in Season Three: Skipping Along.


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